i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
