I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
