How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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