i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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