So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
