question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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