now i know why i became what i already was.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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