You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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