I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
