I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dicks are not precious.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
