Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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