My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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