i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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