I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think my moral compass just broke
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