It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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