the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
