He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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