dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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