We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
