I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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