Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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