so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
