Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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