I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
