I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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