Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
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I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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