In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
