i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
