it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
