I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
