Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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