i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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