i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
