guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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