Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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