If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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