It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
