she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
