Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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