miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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