she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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