i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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