We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
