she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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