she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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