Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
