well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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