I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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