i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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