Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
