My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm really into asian looking animals
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
