So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
