margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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