I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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