He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
