Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My liver just broke up with me...

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  (303): My liver just broke up with me... http://tfl.nu/2vsq
  Replies (2) Good night (997) Bad night (783)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.

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  (614): Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning. http://tfl.nu/bnwl
  Replies (10) Good night (7000) Bad night (622)
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  (925): View more from California

  his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.

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  (925): his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch. http://tfl.nu/0vl7
  Replies (74) Good night (3232) Bad night (7812)
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  (310): View more from California

  Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.

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  (310): Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever. http://tfl.nu/fsai
  Replies (16) Good night (1096) Bad night (16372)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.

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  (315): Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run. http://tfl.nu/6sa5
  Replies (13) Good night (915) Bad night (2576)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  i think i left a case of beer in your dryer

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  (240): i think i left a case of beer in your dryer http://tfl.nu/dfij
  Replies (10) Good night (3240) Bad night (1039)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (37) Good night (9148) Bad night (1331)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid

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  (250): Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid http://tfl.nu/igue
  Replies (3) Good night (2605) Bad night (764)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.

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  (770): Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp. http://tfl.nu/629f
  Replies (7) Good night (1166) Bad night (1941)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?

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  (318): So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt? http://tfl.nu/a1yi
  Replies (6) Good night (1295) Bad night (719)
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  (760): View more from California

  Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.

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  (760): Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now. http://tfl.nu/d97x
  Replies (6) Good night (636) Bad night (1500)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.

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  (262): Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy. http://tfl.nu/dejh
  Replies (7) Good night (1702) Bad night (824)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.

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  (516): He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever. http://tfl.nu/8pla
  Replies (4) Good night (1987) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oooh, he sounds pretty classy

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.

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  (720): We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini. (970): Oooh, he sounds pretty classy (720): Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died. http://tfl.nu/8k1p
  Replies (7) Good night (919) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.

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  (810): I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point. http://tfl.nu/wk8l
  Replies (1) Good night (1014) Bad night (180)

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