Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.