So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.