Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
