She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
