Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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