She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
