people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.