Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets