I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize