ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to