the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.