i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
