If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW