well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
