Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
