Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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