so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
