i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
