Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
