if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why did my mother make you get naked?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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