my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
