She is in my trunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if only i could text you this smell
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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