You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
