i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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