you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i love accidental penises.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
