she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
