'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
