Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
